She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
