Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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