so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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