I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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