I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
