he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
