Do you still have your period?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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