i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
