im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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