Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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