I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
