Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Randomize
