Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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