Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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