hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
