I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Randomize
