my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
