My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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