You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
