I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize
