The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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