Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
