I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
