; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Randomize
