it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
