Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
