But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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