What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
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I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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