Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize