Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
