hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
