she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
