Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
