We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize