I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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