Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We just shotgunned beers for America
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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