peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
