So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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