Texts From Last Night

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  (312): View more from Illinois

  Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006

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  (312): Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006 http://tfl.nu/3jq0
  Replies (4) Good night (1139) Bad night (755)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  How was your Memorial Day?

  (1-717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.

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  (717): How was your Memorial Day? (1-717): Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name. http://tfl.nu/grou
  Replies (10) Good night (3756) Bad night (668)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.

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  (203): It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag. http://tfl.nu/0795
  Replies (16) Good night (3622) Bad night (573)
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  (779): View more from Illinois

  Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.

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  (779): Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me. http://tfl.nu/6ngm
  Replies (6) Good night (2862) Bad night (735)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.

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  (931): drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes. http://tfl.nu/1e3m
  Replies (27) Good night (6427) Bad night (1319)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..

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  (315): Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka.. http://tfl.nu/lv2f
  Replies (20) Good night (4548) Bad night (1065)
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  (609): View more from New Jersey

  Sucks about the cops last night

  (848): View more from New Jersey

  to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..

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  (609): Sucks about the cops last night (848): to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party.. http://tfl.nu/rv14
  Replies (7) Good night (4660) Bad night (1038)
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  (205): View more from Alabama

  They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?

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  (205): They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level? http://tfl.nu/pz2g
  Replies (6) Good night (1819) Bad night (662)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him

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  (217): it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him http://tfl.nu/i59z
  Replies (11) Good night (1047) Bad night (1355)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out

  (417): View more from Missouri

  You'd think the first few times would have been enough

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  (616): If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out (417): You'd think the first few times would have been enough http://tfl.nu/z7d7
  Replies (10) Good night (605) Bad night (1434)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.

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  (940): Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me. http://tfl.nu/f1j1
  Replies (2) Good night (681) Bad night (314)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.

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  (214): Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars. http://tfl.nu/9ba1
  Replies (2) Good night (264) Bad night (459)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I can give you five reasons its your baby

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.

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  (508): I can give you five reasons its your baby (978): and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl. http://tfl.nu/cjus
  Replies (5) Good night (1218) Bad night (479)
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  (949): View more from California

  Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.

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  (949): Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young. http://tfl.nu/8x4p
  Replies (0) Good night (464) Bad night (281)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.

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  (613): After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot. http://tfl.nu/zug5
  Replies (4) Good night (687) Bad night (167)

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