Texts From Last Night

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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer

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  (201): we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer http://tfl.nu/68pg
  Replies (39) Good night (2939) Bad night (768)
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  (862): View more from New Jersey

  win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight

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  (862): win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight http://tfl.nu/0j1g
  Replies (22) Good night (3775) Bad night (1545)
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  (914): View more from New York

  all she had left on were here heels. phone five

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  (914): all she had left on were here heels. phone five http://tfl.nu/azpy
  Replies (11) Good night (5412) Bad night (952)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.

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  (206): at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception. http://tfl.nu/j51s
  Replies (34) Good night (1853) Bad night (4925)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.

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  (406): We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase. http://tfl.nu/9rce
  Replies (11) Good night (4219) Bad night (1161)
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  (765): View more from Indiana

  It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.

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  (765): It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night. http://tfl.nu/hkf5
  Replies (13) Good night (2764) Bad night (1494)
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  (408): View more from California

  My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.

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  (408): My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me. http://tfl.nu/7zz8
  Replies (5) Good night (1335) Bad night (2321)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???

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  (253): How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister??? http://tfl.nu/ukzw
  Replies (13) Good night (2026) Bad night (1253)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.

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  (440): im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know. http://tfl.nu/c5k4
  Replies (11) Good night (2250) Bad night (544)
• Favorite

  (831): View more from California

  Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.

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  (831): Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me. http://tfl.nu/beqb
  Replies (6) Good night (681) Bad night (546)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.

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  (540): When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become. http://tfl.nu/2ybp
  Replies (1) Good night (619) Bad night (420)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?

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  (360): I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home? http://tfl.nu/x6vd
  Replies (1) Good night (534) Bad night (645)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.

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  (202): Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward. http://tfl.nu/pb68
  Replies (0) Good night (546) Bad night (292)
• Favorite

  (765): View more from Indiana

  We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships

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  (765): We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships http://tfl.nu/ywdr
  Replies (1) Good night (592) Bad night (273)
• Favorite

  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory

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  (414): And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory http://tfl.nu/q3uf
  Replies (1) Good night (230) Bad night (273)

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