worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
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So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.