Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
