I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
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