How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.