I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year