Texts From Last Night

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  (407): View more from Florida

  Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.

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  (407): Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date. http://tfl.nu/dv8x
  Replies (26) Good night (683) Bad night (4460)
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  (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray

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  (306): I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray http://tfl.nu/enz4
  Replies (14) Good night (2569) Bad night (1124)
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  (510): View more from California

  Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.

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  (510): Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009. http://tfl.nu/bpk8
  Replies (36) Good night (847) Bad night (6822)
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".

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  (785): Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets". http://tfl.nu/227d
  Replies (16) Good night (1226) Bad night (4554)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.

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  (570): do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome. http://tfl.nu/5az6
  Replies (5) Good night (5306) Bad night (880)
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  (815): View more from Illinois

  She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.

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  (815): She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode. http://tfl.nu/19jg
  Replies (6) Good night (1541) Bad night (3255)
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  (805): View more from California

  there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you

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  (805): there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you http://tfl.nu/cq33
  Replies (7) Good night (891) Bad night (2809)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  She puked her nose ring out of her face.

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  (615): She puked her nose ring out of her face. http://tfl.nu/6cuk
  Replies (11) Good night (1292) Bad night (2760)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?

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  (802): laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke? http://tfl.nu/5pf6
  Replies (13) Good night (947) Bad night (1211)
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  (702): View more from Nevada

  I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?

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  (702): I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right? http://tfl.nu/36o3
  Replies (4) Good night (828) Bad night (1288)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.

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  (970): there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night. http://tfl.nu/aogr
  Replies (9) Good night (1620) Bad night (684)
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  (310): View more from California

  My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.

  (1-310): View more from California

  That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.

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  (310): My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing. (1-310): That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens. http://tfl.nu/xmxh
  Replies (14) Good night (2312) Bad night (584)
• Favorite

  (707): View more from California

  Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa

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  (707): Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa http://tfl.nu/616r
  Replies (1) Good night (580) Bad night (365)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?

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  (613): What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with? http://tfl.nu/ukrn
  Replies (4) Good night (642) Bad night (215)
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  (303): View more from Colorado

  Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?

  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?

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  (303): Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right? (401): Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo? http://tfl.nu/7qzm
  Replies (1) Good night (592) Bad night (215)

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