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• (360): View more from Washington

  two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?

  (206): View more from Washington

  only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.

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• (502): View more from Kentucky

  Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  I'm moving there. Get me hired.

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• (561): View more from Florida

  It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.

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• (516): View more from New York

  His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.

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• 

  If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things

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• (416): View more from Toronto

  He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n

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• (613): View more from Ontario

  She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"

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• (845): View more from New York

  im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night

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• (845): View more from New York

  I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up

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  23 Struggles Kids These Days Will Never Know

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.

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• (707): View more from California

  Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???

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• (306): View more from Saskatchewan

  Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.

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• (904): View more from Florida

  So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.

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