Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
