Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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