What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
