I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
