I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Randomize
