So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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