Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize