I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
