I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
