maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
