I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
