he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
