my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
