So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
