Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize
