Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
