can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
