wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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