Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
