Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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