True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Randomize
