He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
She bit a glass in half.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
