I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
