The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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