Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
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I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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