just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said