Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
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I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.