he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf