True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
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