i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
love makes seman taste better
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing