How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
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I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
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One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.