Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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