I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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