Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
i drank out of a bidet.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
