my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
