last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
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