He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Houston, we have a blender
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
