I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize