dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
