I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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