I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize