Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Randomize
