i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Randomize
